Thursday September 26th 18.30 pm the big off !

Thursday 18.30hrs Terminal 3 London Heathrow

Heathrow Terminal check-in was rammed as we seemed to have to walk the length of the terminal to find the end of the queue just like it was a traditional Bank Holiday. I was a bit perturbed to find in front of me a sweet old couple on a trip of a lifetime, a nun clutching a guitar, a sick kid, a Rabbi and a random bloke muttering about having once been a hot shot pilot who’d then lost his nerve who didn’t think he could ever possibly fly again. I felt an enormous foreboding of disaster but mercifully the queue did move and eventually we were airside and heading for the legendary Virgin Club Lounge. 

Is it just me but are the aircrew getting younger?

We were looked after very well in our own private loft space away from everyone else (I think they may have remembered us from a previous visit) and then, suitably watered and fed, we were off to find our Premium Economy Seats. OK we turned right on entering the cabin, and enviously eyed up the opulent first class area as you do, but then it was our turn to snigger inwardly as the steerage passengers had to sullenly pass us by.

In some ways this was a portent of what was to come in terms of the Indian class structure where the sheer polarity of rich and poor is staggering but for now we were happy to be midrange.

Much amusement ensued the moment the inflight movies came up as the P&D titles rolled beforehand (yes we do sell these ads too) and then we just settled back for a long flight and tried to grab some sleep.

Well we finally arrived a bit bleary eyed at Delhi airport but this was probably due as much to our ritual abuse of the Club Lounge as the lavish inflight hospitality plus sleeping for a prolonged period is a bit of a challenge unless you enjoy a little recreational S&M.

As soon as we got out of the plane, the heat and humidity struck you plus a faint whiff of Eau de Sewer mixed with that equally pungent smell of aviation fuel.

Once we’d been through immigration and customs there were Tim and Charlie waiting for us to shepherd us all onto our special needs bus.

After the opulence of Virgin Atlantic, this frankly looked like a school bus at the end of its service life but as we soon discovered this was actually quite luxurious and had the all-important air conditioning which worked randomly enough to stop me sweating like a cornered nun..

In true Indian style, the driver and his bag wallah man were however partitioned up front effectively sitting atop the engine with no aircon whilst the tour guide recruited by Tim was out back with the rest of us in the refrigerated area as befitted his obvious superior status.

 

Once we shook off Delhi Airport we took a motorway for a good couple of hours whilst the tour guide told us all about Old Delhi and New Delhi and vice versa then again to a point where I couldn’t frankly give a flying f*ck which was which. Mercifully this ended when we stopped off at an opulent Golf Club for lunch which was all rather nice and a foretaste of what money can buy you in India.

                                           There is more to golf than meets the eye maybe

                                              

Back on the road after another long drive we eventually found ourselves entering the outskirts of Agra which was quite an eye opener as we gradually absorbed the day to day often chaotic existence of many folk and the sight of random cows and camels wandering about like they were shopping down the high street or just chilling out on the pavement. Oh and random monkeys too hitching lifts on the motorway.

Some buildings looked either like they were falling down or going up and it was frankly hard to tell exactly which was which as each had all sorts of detritus going on and it would be a fair guess to assume that H&S rules were not a great priority let alone necessity.   

The roads are another thing. Although you expect multiple collisions it all sort of works with motorcycles 4 up and Tuk Tuks weaving in and out.

 

Eventually the gates of the Oberoi Hotel swung open and there we were tucked away in an entirely different world of plush green manicured lawns, fountains and marble everywhere. Suddenly our school bus looked a bit incongruous parked up in front of such a stunning building and grounds. 

We exited down the steps of the coach anxiously trying to avoid the outstretched hand of the bag wallah which was hanging limp and clammy like a large dog’s scrotum - once pressed never again seemed to be the common consensus.

Suddenly we were in the refrigerated opulent lobby of a beautiful hotel and, after what we’d just driven through, I felt like a time traveller. In fact it was a bit like that scene in the Lion, The Witch and Wardrobe when exiting the wardrobe where you enter another entirely different world.

Needless to say the rooms too were equally gorgeous looking out onto the immaculate grounds and in the distance loomed the ghostly white dome and minarets of the legendary Taj Mahal.

The day finally ended much the same as our trip had started with some drinks followed by a meal in the restaurant then an earlyish night as we had a 5.30am roll call to catch the Taj Mahal at day break …………….but that’s another story.